Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Dresses, Toys & Bathrooms
On the Train
Simone: You know if you want to wear a dress to school, you can…but be prepared that kids might make fun of you and the teachers might not like dealing with it. At home you can wear a dress.
Alexey: I want to wear a dress at home.
Simone: Okay, we can get you a dress. We can either buy you a dress or you can wear one of my shirts as a dress, like Ark does.
Simone: Because what really matters at the end of the day is what you have inside here (hand on heart), how kind you are, not what you wear or how long your hair. All these things, like hair and dresses or toys are just things. And what do I always say? What’s more important: people or things?
Simone: That’s right, which means it doesn’t matter what you wear. You should support others, too. People make such a big deal out of it, but it isn’t. And you know if boys you know want to wear dresses or play with dolls, never make fun of them. You know better than that. Other people might make fun of them but not you, not my son. You know to be kind. Promise?
When he saw the battery box and the picture on it, he said “You see how toys are like this… and girls…that’s stupid.”
Alexey: Here, boys ride Spiderman car and girls ride princesses. That’s stupid.
Simone: Oh yeah? How come?
Alexey: Because boys can wear these colors too (points to the purple).
Simone: That’s right, I’m very proud that you get that.
Alexey: People at the store, who sold us this, also think it’s stupid.
While at the Brooklyn Children’s Museum,
Alexey: Why do you have to go to the Women’s bathroom?
Simone: Because they tell me to go there, because it’s for girls. Even though…I don’t believe in gender. Hey, don’t you think boys and girls should be able to pee together?
Simone: Then, why don’t they pee together?
Alexey: Because I’m a boy and you’re a girl.
Simone: But that’s not a reason. Let’s go tell Daddy girls and boys should pee together.
While at Prospect Park, an older boy asked Alexey if he’s a boy. Alexey laughed and said ‘No, I’m a girl.’ I watched the situation happen without interjecting but later asked him if he gets asked that a lot. He said that he does get asked that a lot, but that he doesn’t care and that it doesn’t upset him.
While at our park, I was watching Alexey play and I wanted to talk to him about being able to play with all children, regardless of gender. I wanted to make sure he knows he doesn’t just need to play with boys. Alexey said he does know he can play with all kids and that he often plays with girls. He did, however, say that since it’s usually the boys who play with Bey-Blades and so he ends up playing with them. He also said the boys usually fight with the girls. When asked why, he said that it was because the boys don’t them to play with the Bey-Blades. I mentioned that that sucks because all kids should be able to share their toys, no matter the gender. I reminded him that if someone asked to play with his Bey-Blades, he should share. He agreed and randomly remembered the video on bullying they watched at his school. I thought that was kind of great because he really did get the message in the video. I was able to connect, then, that message to why sharing toys with anyone is important. I said, ‘You shouldn’t ever say to girls that they can’t play with something you have. You shouldn’t say that to boys or to transkids either. You shouldn’t say no because it really limits your life.
When at the Naniwa Sushi restaurant, we were looking at turtles and Alexey said the biggest one is the Papa Turtle. Both Alex and I did a double-take and asked him why that would be. Alexey answered that Papas get to be the biggest. I asked him to look at Alex and at me and see that, obviously, I am actually the biggest in our family. We both told him there is no reason to connect size to positions within the family or to strength. And we said it doesn’t really matter who the biggest is, to begin with.