Clowns & Guns

I ended the last post with a conversation w/Alexey about getting him a dress. Since I wasn’t about to pay $40 for a dress he saw in the pricey catalog, I told him he can wear one of mine. It is a dress I wore for his christening (which I was against). When he woke up from his nap, we put it on, took some pictures, he walked a bit around and took it off. As he walked downstairs to my aunt’s, I asked him if he liked his dress and he said “yeah.” This is simple, for now.


1. Age 4 ½ - Topic “Fun with clowns” (look up)

We had a good time with the kids on Purim at the local Jewish center where we worked on creating these super fierce clowns. The one on the left was Alexey's creation and as we walked home, we had the following conversation.

Simone: Alexey, the clowns look awesome, what do you want to name them?

Alexey: I want to name mine Purknetta

Simone: Purknetta?! That's an...interesting name.

Alexey: Well that's his name..You see he's a boy, because he is wearing pants.

Simone: Anyone can wear pants, you see Ark's clown is wearing pants and I'm naming her Cleopatra.

Alexey: Fine, mine is a boy.

Simone: They're clowns, they don't need a gender. Purknetta can be a boy, a girl or a transgender person...

The clowns now hang on the wall in my mother's apartment, next to seashells Alexey stuck to the wall with scotch tape, incidentally.

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2. Age 4 ½ - Topic “Girls and Video Games”


We were standing on the B3 bus stop looking into a window of a Chinese restaurant that had some men playing video games inside. Alexey was especially interested because he saw guns being used on the screen and he finds guns interesting since we’re pretty anti-gun around the house. He was looking over and said..


Alexey: Look, Mommy, there are guns shooting…

Simone: I know, it’s a field day for you, J even if you know I think guns are stupid.

Alexey: Are people shooting people?

Simone: It’s a game, you play and pretend to shoot people. It’s not good to do in real life.

Alexey: There are no girls that are shooting.

Simone: Why do you think that is?

Alexey: Girls don’t shoot.

Simone: Actually, Alexey, girls do shoot. In fact, last century Russian women were considered some of the best snipers in the world. And women serve in the army.

Alexey (noting a girl shooting on the screen): Oh look! There is a girl shooting. And I thought girls don’t shoot.

Simone: Well, this is a good example of adjusting your views when presented with evidence. Even though I don’t like people using guns, Alexey, I must say that people of all genders own and use guns.
Process: This particular conversation was also difficult to have because I didn't want to go into particular depth about people using guns or what guns are used for but I had to tell him that all people are capable of using them. I consider random usage of guns to be an ugly thing but I don't want my son to think that women are somehow immune from being this ugly.

Gnomes, Snowflakes and Dresses.

Contrary to popular belief, Alexey and I don't often discuss anything having to do with gender because no particular issues come up. In this next blog entry, I will post the only conversations we have had since my first blog post in November. I do think the frequency of the conversations will shoot up in the coming years.

1. Age: 4 Topic "Roles for Winter Play"

Alexey: For this year’s Winter Play, all the girls will be snowflakes and all the boys will be gnomes.

Simone: Why can’t any of the girls play gnomes?

Alexey: Because they’re snowflakes…

Simone: Why are only the girls snowflakes?

Alexey: Because it’s for girls – they have a delicate song to sing

Simone (surprised at his choice of the word ‘delicate’): And gnomes aren’t delicate?

Alexey (on a tangent, spreading his legs): Look at how hard my penis is

Simone: I know, that’s normal – it’s often like that in the morning, remember?

Alexey: Because blood comes out of it?

Simone: No, as I taught you, there is blood inside your body and when you have an erection, when your penis gets hard and swollen, that means blood got drawn to that part of your body and then when it becomes soft again, that means blood went elsewhere…

Alexey:…And this one girl will be Snow White

Simone: I think for the Winter Holidays, I’ll be a gnome too - a large gnome and I will eat you for dinner, om nom nom

Alexey (Laughs): And Alex will be a gnome too, okay?

Simone: What will Ark be?

Alexey: He’ll be a tiny tiny tiny little gnome because he’s a boy too.

Simone: I don’t get this separation because of gender – why can only boys be gnomes and girls be snowflakes?

Alexey: Because.

Simone: Why?

Alexey: That’s what Tanya said.

Simone: Well, it’s not like snowflakes have a gender – they’re snow, part of nature, as are we, so anyone can play a snowflake, right?

Alexey: …Tanya said…

Simone: Oh, Tanya said this and Tanya said that…

Alexey laughs

Simone: Well, your mother says otherwise, it’s so arbitrary..and gnomes…of course girls can be gnomes, they can be anything, delicate or not.

Alexey: Some people took off Halloween decorations and some people didn’t.

(Hey, no one said he stays on topic).

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2. Age: 4 ½ Topic "Clothing in a Mini Boden catalog"

(Looking through the girls’ clothing section)

Alexey: I want this (pointing to a pink shirt with an ice cream cone)

Simone: Ok, we’ll put a star next to it

Alexey: And I want this dress

(I notice myself hesitating before putting a star next to the dress because I am not sure if he understands it’s a dress)

Alexey: And I want this girl

Simone: We can’t buy girls, Alexey…

Alexey: And I want these pants (blue loose fitting cropped pants)

Simone: I know, I liked those too earlier, I circled these pants

Alexey (seeing the pants on a girl in the next picture): but it’s for girls! Look, girl wearing…

Simone: So what, she’s a child, you can wear them too

Alexey: I don’t want to look anymore

Simone: Okay, but this dress from before, you sure you want it?

Alexey: Yeah

Simone: I can get it for you but you probably won’t be able to wear it to pre-school

Alexey: Why?

Simone: Well you know your father and I won’t care and we don’t think that way but your teachers in pre-school will probably say ‘dresses are just for girls’ and I don’t want you to hear crap from the other kids, either…But, we’ll get you one anyway, you can wear it at home for sure…maybe, your grandmother and I can make you one later tonight, okay?

Alexey: Okay!...Can I draw now?

Simone: Here’s a Victoria’s Secret catalog (I know I’m horrible), draw on it

Alexey: Okay, I will draw a turkey and food for turkey.

Process: I felt like a coward letting him know that it's probably better to not wear a dress to pre-school and have to face all those kids and educators. He's at such a tender age, I just don't know sometimes. I also felt that my aunt who would be the first person to ask to sew his dress (as she's a seamstress) would think I'm insane and tell him so, as well. I think I will have more luck with my mom around this issue but only because my father is no longer alive.